HOME | Where you are, where you're going
Image by Michelle Maria from Pixabay
My parents have lived in the same house for over 30 years. I grew up in that house and consider it the ‘forever home’ that I’m sure they labeled it when it was built. I sometimes wonder if that consistency in my childhood is the reason I have a floating definition of home in my adult life. That house is an anchor; the memories there and the family life. But I’ve continued challenging this idea since I started living on my own.
Defining the concept of home is somewhat challenging once you’ve moved multiple times, and built a life in each place. There is a constant magnetic pull in opposing directions. But my initial reaction is always- well, of course, I’m home! I love my friends, and “insert a long list of things and relationships” that make my existence feel worthwhile. Call it the positive effects of yoga, meditation, a global pandemic, or even of journalling- but my life has turned in to one big gratitude exercise.
At first, home to me was about everything external.
It is the support system around you, which feels a lot like:
The covers that keep you warm at night;
The pillow fort that shields you from anything uncomfortable-
Or even the soft landing of hugs, kind words, and gentle listening when a part of your world comes crashing down.
And while none of this can help prevent you from wading through the shit storms of life, at least there are people around to hold your umbrella while everything else turns inside-out.
For that reason, I prided myself on the ability to move homes. My life was something that could be transported to different places and different environments. Sit me down somewhere new and I’d find a new set of friends, experiences, support systems, and anchors to hold me in place. I couldn’t promise a long stay- but I’d be present for all of it.
For so long, I kept moving. Kept changing. Kept chasing. Kept checking things off my list. Kept making more lists.
These shifts are natural progressions. The archaic idea of ‘staying the same’ has long been disproved. I’m not here to trademark™ this idea so bear with me here. But there does come a point of personal reckoning that must occur. One that begs the question:
What are you looking for?
What are you running from?
What are you running towards?
The answer wasn’t outside validation. It wasn’t the constant moving, shifting, list-making. It never was and it never will be.
You’re already home where you feel love.
This is by no means a groundbreaking realization. But it is one that must be made within oneself. It is not something that can be forced upon anyone; but it does require some self-reflection and understanding.
To feel home, I needed to love myself more. (Any Justin Bieber sing-alongs can go here)
I needed to forgive myself for not having all the answers. And accept the idea I’m here trying to figure things out… which is no different than 99.9% of the population.
It’s OK-more than OK-required even, to make mistakes, to make changes, to shift, to make lists, to cross things off those lists.
It is all done with love. And that is what brings you home.
Life is a big and invigorating, and terrifying, and rewarding experience all wrapped into one.
Whatever you think you’re looking for
Whatever you think you should do-
Should cross off your list,
Should experience-
Chances are, you won’t find what you think you need until something changes within you.
If you’re searching for something, you won’t find more there than what you already have here. You are already home where you feel love; and what a great place that is to stay.
This post was originally published on MEDIUM